I Look into the Sky Above and Wonder how my Life has Changed

Thanking Krissie for the inspiration. I actually realised that MSN sub-nicks actually do have a use from time to time, other than promoting junk that us lawyers think of as a result of our course!

Ok, so, I wasn't really going to blog, especially as it's just past midnight as I've typed the first few words into this space, but why not while I'm still awake and not too too tired. Especially after I haven't really blogged in a good while, properly that is, after the last blog was one that was more a case of venting frustrations out in public. Which, I guess, I shouldn't have; but anyway.

Well, there isn't too much to say and there isn't too much that is exciting, unfortunately, at this point of my life. The year 1991 is halfway, or thereabouts, through its A Levels, and the year 1990 and before are preparing for the dreaded end of year exams that University throw up from the depths of Room 223, Faculty of Laws. So with nothing exciting apart from telling you how much case law I've studied per day, I decided to reflect a little bit on the past year and what's really changed since then; once again because a certain sub-nick on MSN inspired me to do so.

Looking back to around this time last year I can safely say that my group of friends were different to those that I stay with today. Granted, I'm not saying that those friends that I used to hang out with are not my friends any longer - far from it, actually - but I feel more comfortable staying with the Y4J and Community group now, as opposed to them. I actually, for the most part, feel a part of this group and feel appreciated for who I am, even if I might have differing views to other people, occasionally, due to my rather obstinate nature. Whereas prior to staying with this new (if you can now call it that) group of people, I would constantly have to be on my guard out of fear of someone taking advantage of me or ready to take the piss out of me, I now feel that it isn't the case. The people who I'm staying with - you all know who you are - are, to me, now like a family. We have our differences and we have our disagreements, but at the end of the day, we're all there for one another and love each other like brothers and sisters. And that's exactly how it should be with everyone - after all, God told us to love your neighbour as yourself.

This may be a repetitive point from prior statements or prior blogs, but the entry of God into my life has also been a significant change over the last year. Whereas before I was a Christian but pretty much agnostic, now I believe things to the contrary. Obviously, with this, unfortunately, comes a lot of criticism from those who aren't living the same lifestyle as you. Make one slip up and you're criticised, or say something that might not tickle someone else's fancy and you get slated for it. But thereagain, that's what living Christians do, don't they? They spread the Word at whatever cost possible and live for God and, as discussed at our D-Group meeting last Sunday, try to make their actions speak louder than words. Sometimes, words are not effective enough - you could tell a million people about Jesus, how great He is and what He has done for us - but none might believe you. However, if you perform some kind of act through which Jesus' love and spirit really emerges, then someone might indeed believe you. There again, as also stated in the same D-Group meeting, this is quite a subjective thing to go on about.

Perhaps this is the least evident of the changes that I've undergone in the last year or so, but I believe that now - contrary to that period a year ago - I am a bit more of a tolerant person, even though my best friend thinks I've become worse! I've learnt how to snap less at other people and actually be more patient with others. I think I've seen this develop mainly through my leadership skills, and the various things that I've organised, taken part in or coordinated over the last year. If I had to do the same things one year back, I don't think I would have been able to cope in any way possible. Having said that, I admit that this is still a segment of my character that I definitely have to work upon, for I still do have the tendency to blow up at flick of a finger, as quite a few people who have seen me will testify!

And then there's the final aspect of this rather condensed version of how my life has changed, and that is how I've managed to cope with a bunch of my friends going abroad to study on a permanent or temporary basis. It just goes to show that things can change really quickly, and that the situation that you're faced with one day is not always the situation that you're going to be faced with the next. The worst bit is when your friends come here for a while - in some instances, as short as a weekend break - and then are off for the next few months, ensuring that communication with them is rather limited till when they get back. You learn how to live with it, however. Initially, I saw this as a real uphill struggle but then tried to take the positives out of it, in the sense that not only are my friends doing something that is beneficial for them and furthering their education outside our shores, but it would also help to further develop me as an individual and perhaps not rely on them as heavily as I used to; even though the latter doesn't exactly apply to one of the people in question. It really does help matters when you see that God uses each and every situation - be it positive or negative - to try teach you an important, valuable life lesson from it.

And with that I will conclude. I could have blogged for much longer, and about much more, and politically, for that matter; but opted not to. I think this will be a bit more pleasant to the eye anyway, instead of ranting on about ongoings on a small rock in the Mediterranean.

P.S. I realised that loads of people are 'refreshing' their blog skins... I know mine looks bland, but I must say, it ties in beautifully with the morose nature of examinations!

God Bless You all!
Matti