And that Time has come Again...

Please note that this blog might indeed not make sense. It isn't being written to do so. It's being written to vent, as a form of frustration, as a means of wanting to cry.

It's August 11. Tomorrow morning, as I'm waking up at 7.25, preparing for work, I should in reality be at the airport awaiting a flight to England. Indeed though, I'm not. It's that time of year where Soul Survivor is back upon us. It's that time of year where this website will nearly celebrate its one year anniversary - this blog was created post-SS so that I could relate to how pepped up and how charged with God's energy I came back from Shepton Mallet last year. Alas though, as I said, this year... it's just not to be.

And boy oh boy does the night before the majority of your friends going up to feeling that whole amazingness of God stink. Granted, not being with a lot of my friends for a week is something hard to cope with, but one that I'll get over as I'm that kind of person. I can live by myself, without any qualms. It's the fact that God's incredible power is felt so much at SS and that I won't be able to be part of it and feel it in the same manner that I did last year that is the real let down. At first, I was living with it, I was coping with it, I felt I could manage to conceal it in the same way that I conceal a lot of the other things that go on in my life. In a nutshell, I managed to tolerate it. At the pre-SS party, I was starting to get a bit nostalgic about it all, but still managing - perhaps admirably - to fend off any emotion. But now, I just can't any longer. Seriously. It's like I'm a time bomb that has just exploded.

But you know, there is a positive to all this. It really shows how much closer I've become to God over the last year or so. I don't think I would have ever even envisaged writing such a piece one and a half years ago, and yet, look at me today. I believe that this shows that I cannot do without being close to God; without God. And you know, this whole issue might just make me pray more over the course of the week and make me all the stronger by the end of it all.

So bye to all those going up tomorrow morning - Mark, Jeremy, Lanfranco, Mike, Matt, Bettina, Achie, Krissie, Becky, Nicola... all of you, insomma - and really place your energy and your prayers, especially for the first-timers, into getting further close to God. It's something that works and something that is seriously irreplaceable. And while you're there, pray that I don't melt in the sweltering heat that one of my buildings at work possesses because fuses randomly go off in the middle of the day, leaving the place devoid of electricity.

God Bless You all!
Matti