You know, being an only child has its pros and its cons. And being in that position that not too many seem to experience nowadays, I feel a comment coming from me on something like this is only apt.
It certainly makes you think. That is why, being in such a position that I am, I often crave for brothers and sisters now. I always ask the question "What if?" and always consider how I would have developed as an individual had I directly had other people around me. I definitely consider the fact that I wouldn't be half as fortunate as I am today, what with my situation and all, but also consider the fact that being there, alone, without company... many a time, it just sucks.
That's why I feel the need to be so close to my friends. The friends that I crave so badly. That's why, I guess, there were moments when I really felt lonely when I wasn't - and everyone else was - at Soul Survivor. You see, when you're an only (I can't believe that that was initially typed as 'old'!!) child, friends become such an integral part of your life to the extent that you can't live without them. Practically ever. I suppose that's exactly the reason why I consider a select group of my friends like my brothers and my sisters. Take note though, there's a difference in calling them brother and sister as opposed to brethren. By virtue of the way how I see things, at least - even though I may not be right in thinking in this manner - brethren are our brothers and sisters in Christ, while brothers and sisters are those people that you can rely on in thick and thin and keep close to your heart at all times. They are our pillars of strength.
Missing Soul Survivor did indeed teach me one thing though - always continue looking for such brothers and sisters, because you can practically never have enough of them. Over the course of the last week, despite the fact that I could have occasionally died of boredom, I'm pleased to say that I managed to find another person who I can add to this list; a person who I've been very fond and held in high regard for quite a while now (and vice-versa), despite our differences. So yeah, welcome to my 'family'. It's not exactly a big one, but slowly slowly, and very selectively, it is growing... though sometimes, you might also have to temporarily or permanently chuck out some members so that you make sure you're always surrounded by the right crowd.
Sorry if this didn't make any sense, I just needed to get it off my chest. And on a side note, thank goodness - THEY'RE BACK! (even though its now been two days and hence this blog is, I guess two days late in its publication.)
God Bless You all!
Matti
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
And that Time has come Again...
Please note that this blog might indeed not make sense. It isn't being written to do so. It's being written to vent, as a form of frustration, as a means of wanting to cry.
It's August 11. Tomorrow morning, as I'm waking up at 7.25, preparing for work, I should in reality be at the airport awaiting a flight to England. Indeed though, I'm not. It's that time of year where Soul Survivor is back upon us. It's that time of year where this website will nearly celebrate its one year anniversary - this blog was created post-SS so that I could relate to how pepped up and how charged with God's energy I came back from Shepton Mallet last year. Alas though, as I said, this year... it's just not to be.
And boy oh boy does the night before the majority of your friends going up to feeling that whole amazingness of God stink. Granted, not being with a lot of my friends for a week is something hard to cope with, but one that I'll get over as I'm that kind of person. I can live by myself, without any qualms. It's the fact that God's incredible power is felt so much at SS and that I won't be able to be part of it and feel it in the same manner that I did last year that is the real let down. At first, I was living with it, I was coping with it, I felt I could manage to conceal it in the same way that I conceal a lot of the other things that go on in my life. In a nutshell, I managed to tolerate it. At the pre-SS party, I was starting to get a bit nostalgic about it all, but still managing - perhaps admirably - to fend off any emotion. But now, I just can't any longer. Seriously. It's like I'm a time bomb that has just exploded.
But you know, there is a positive to all this. It really shows how much closer I've become to God over the last year or so. I don't think I would have ever even envisaged writing such a piece one and a half years ago, and yet, look at me today. I believe that this shows that I cannot do without being close to God; without God. And you know, this whole issue might just make me pray more over the course of the week and make me all the stronger by the end of it all.
So bye to all those going up tomorrow morning - Mark, Jeremy, Lanfranco, Mike, Matt, Bettina, Achie, Krissie, Becky, Nicola... all of you, insomma - and really place your energy and your prayers, especially for the first-timers, into getting further close to God. It's something that works and something that is seriously irreplaceable. And while you're there, pray that I don't melt in the sweltering heat that one of my buildings at work possesses because fuses randomly go off in the middle of the day, leaving the place devoid of electricity.
God Bless You all!
Matti
It's August 11. Tomorrow morning, as I'm waking up at 7.25, preparing for work, I should in reality be at the airport awaiting a flight to England. Indeed though, I'm not. It's that time of year where Soul Survivor is back upon us. It's that time of year where this website will nearly celebrate its one year anniversary - this blog was created post-SS so that I could relate to how pepped up and how charged with God's energy I came back from Shepton Mallet last year. Alas though, as I said, this year... it's just not to be.
And boy oh boy does the night before the majority of your friends going up to feeling that whole amazingness of God stink. Granted, not being with a lot of my friends for a week is something hard to cope with, but one that I'll get over as I'm that kind of person. I can live by myself, without any qualms. It's the fact that God's incredible power is felt so much at SS and that I won't be able to be part of it and feel it in the same manner that I did last year that is the real let down. At first, I was living with it, I was coping with it, I felt I could manage to conceal it in the same way that I conceal a lot of the other things that go on in my life. In a nutshell, I managed to tolerate it. At the pre-SS party, I was starting to get a bit nostalgic about it all, but still managing - perhaps admirably - to fend off any emotion. But now, I just can't any longer. Seriously. It's like I'm a time bomb that has just exploded.
But you know, there is a positive to all this. It really shows how much closer I've become to God over the last year or so. I don't think I would have ever even envisaged writing such a piece one and a half years ago, and yet, look at me today. I believe that this shows that I cannot do without being close to God; without God. And you know, this whole issue might just make me pray more over the course of the week and make me all the stronger by the end of it all.
So bye to all those going up tomorrow morning - Mark, Jeremy, Lanfranco, Mike, Matt, Bettina, Achie, Krissie, Becky, Nicola... all of you, insomma - and really place your energy and your prayers, especially for the first-timers, into getting further close to God. It's something that works and something that is seriously irreplaceable. And while you're there, pray that I don't melt in the sweltering heat that one of my buildings at work possesses because fuses randomly go off in the middle of the day, leaving the place devoid of electricity.
God Bless You all!
Matti
Saturday, August 8, 2009
And the Hypocrite of the Year Award goes to...
... The Maltese Local Wardens for the theme of "Law Enforcement" vis-a-vis the example that they themselves promote. In this case, the warden would be liable for three offences - parking on a double yellow line, parking too close to the corner of another road and not parking within one of the designated white parking bays found in the street.
This photo was taken in Howard Street, Sliema (ok, yes, while driving) as the wardens in question were having a coke and a relaxing chat with a man who owns a greengrocer van.
God Bless You all!
Matti
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Lamentations of a Sick Person
Slightly blocked nose, sleepy eyes and the occasional irritable cough. An exterior facet of myself at the moment would simply lead you to believe that I have slight version of the common cold, which develops around four times faster than my resistance to it does, judging on how many times a year I fall ill with one of these perpetual pests. Yet, ridiculously, this hullabaloo has descended into my chest and as a result of this, I'm on antibiotics to solve/cure/remedy the problem. Fantastic, just what on earth you want to face during the summer months.
Well, it gives me time to update my blog because people currently naturally don't want me around them. I always felt that was the case, but anyway. I can understand the whole notion of being in isolation but anyway, I think it would have made more sense had it applied to everyone as basically, around 50% of the people that I know have some kind of a cold. I guess it's that kind of season in Malta, then. Now I'll be looking into whether I'll be "banned" from going out tomorrow (Wednesday) as well. The stupid thing is that I know I'm not going to feel any better by staying inside, as I'm just mixing existing germs with new found ones. Anyway, needless to say, I'm not one to be given orders and will not stand for any crap that people proclaim. Basically, I'm going to do what I want to do. Hence, even next Sunday for example, if I want to come to the pre-Soul Survivor party just to spite (a) certain individual(s), then I jolly well am going to do so. You know, it's actually good to be an asshole in certain circumstances.
Otherwise, life isn't too bad at the moment. Obviously, me being sick has resulted in me staying here and not going to work in order to not spread the germs to my co-workers; I have to take them into consideration and not the students who I'd be teaching as the latter didn't exactly show much consideration towards me when they were sick for the majority of their three week stay on the island! I'm actually stunned at how long it took for me to get sick, considering the rather terrible immune system that I possess. Trying to incorporate a social life into a working one has, however, been a major challenge for me, one which I feel that so far has worked quite well. Although more often than not I've had to leave places relatively early so as to be at work on time and intact the next morning, which can be irritating, I feel that being able to incorporate both spheres of work and leisure into my life has made me become a more complete person and even appreciate further the time that I have with my friends, time which I now cannot take for granted as much as I used to before.
And to keep the blog rather short, I will sign off here. A final word of thought goes out to the Psaila family, in particular Simon, whose mother passed away this morning. Knowing first hand what it is like to lose a dear, loved one, you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers through this difficult time, but you will ultimately find solace in God.
God Bless You all!
Matti
Well, it gives me time to update my blog because people currently naturally don't want me around them. I always felt that was the case, but anyway. I can understand the whole notion of being in isolation but anyway, I think it would have made more sense had it applied to everyone as basically, around 50% of the people that I know have some kind of a cold. I guess it's that kind of season in Malta, then. Now I'll be looking into whether I'll be "banned" from going out tomorrow (Wednesday) as well. The stupid thing is that I know I'm not going to feel any better by staying inside, as I'm just mixing existing germs with new found ones. Anyway, needless to say, I'm not one to be given orders and will not stand for any crap that people proclaim. Basically, I'm going to do what I want to do. Hence, even next Sunday for example, if I want to come to the pre-Soul Survivor party just to spite (a) certain individual(s), then I jolly well am going to do so. You know, it's actually good to be an asshole in certain circumstances.
Otherwise, life isn't too bad at the moment. Obviously, me being sick has resulted in me staying here and not going to work in order to not spread the germs to my co-workers; I have to take them into consideration and not the students who I'd be teaching as the latter didn't exactly show much consideration towards me when they were sick for the majority of their three week stay on the island! I'm actually stunned at how long it took for me to get sick, considering the rather terrible immune system that I possess. Trying to incorporate a social life into a working one has, however, been a major challenge for me, one which I feel that so far has worked quite well. Although more often than not I've had to leave places relatively early so as to be at work on time and intact the next morning, which can be irritating, I feel that being able to incorporate both spheres of work and leisure into my life has made me become a more complete person and even appreciate further the time that I have with my friends, time which I now cannot take for granted as much as I used to before.
And to keep the blog rather short, I will sign off here. A final word of thought goes out to the Psaila family, in particular Simon, whose mother passed away this morning. Knowing first hand what it is like to lose a dear, loved one, you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers through this difficult time, but you will ultimately find solace in God.
God Bless You all!
Matti
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)