If I Died Today...

Late last night, while reflecting away in bed having been woken up by the computer restarting itself at half 3, thoughts of what would happen if I died suddenly today or in the near future passed through my head. Why, I don't know; and quite frankly, I'm hoping that I won't be passing away anytime soon(!), but it just happened. I thought about what kind of 'legacy' I would have left behind me in the event that this happened, but to be quite honest, I didn't really think much further than that because the subject was too sordid and it was not exactly the appropriate time to do so either.

Now is the time to reflect about this slightly - I'll leave the rest to whoever feels like commenting afterwards (if any person does, that is). One thing for certain, I believe, is that I would have left behind a cloud of controversy in my wake. I've never been the most uncontroversial person around and indeed, have always seen myself as trying to push certain borders and boundaries in order to either prove a point or get my way, no matter how correct or incorrect I was. However, in light of the controversial nature, I think that over the last couple of years or so, I have become a better person overall, compared to what I used to be. Granted, I was never one who would go out every Friday night, or any other night for that matter, and get stoned out of my head or dangerously high, but I believe I have become a better person in the sense that nowadays I see myself as a less egotistical figure and someone who is more willing to bend over backwards to not only accomodate other people, but to help them out to the best of my abilities, where possible. In other words, the humanitarian within me, I feel, has emerged more over recent years.

Of course, what is sure to draw some form of criticism from my readers, as is generally the case (but I will never back down about this, no matter how many sticks, stones and derogatory terms are thrown at me) is the fact that another 'legacy' that I would have left behind me is that of getting closer to God and, in this light, hopefully being an example for others to follow. Perhaps it's coincidence, but the above point vis-a-vis my (willing and not enforced) humanitarian nature coincided with the same time that I made God a part of my life. Of course, various people will or might disagree on this point completely, and I wouldn't be surprised if they do, but I believe that God's presence in my life has made a hell of a big difference with regards to the way I live. With Him in my life, I feel fulfilled and I feel a sense of protection that I previously didn't feel.

Would I have achieved everything that I set out to achieve in life? Definitely not, but if I had to go sometime soon, then for the most part, I feel that I would have left a general positive impact on people's lives, even though certain people obviously wouldn't see this and believe that my effect in life has probably been the total opposite.

And now, if you wish, over to you. (Any derogatory comments posted will either be ignored completely or be subject to deletion.)

God Bless You all!
Matti

Lamentations of a Sick Person

Slightly blocked nose, sleepy eyes and the occasional irritable cough. An exterior facet of myself at the moment would simply lead you to believe that I have slight version of the common cold, which develops around four times faster than my resistance to it does, judging on how many times a year I fall ill with one of these perpetual pests. Yet, ridiculously, this hullabaloo has descended into my chest and as a result of this, I'm on antibiotics to solve/cure/remedy the problem. Fantastic, just what on earth you want to face during the summer months.

Well, it gives me time to update my blog because people currently naturally don't want me around them. I always felt that was the case, but anyway. I can understand the whole notion of being in isolation but anyway, I think it would have made more sense had it applied to everyone as basically, around 50% of the people that I know have some kind of a cold. I guess it's that kind of season in Malta, then. Now I'll be looking into whether I'll be "banned" from going out tomorrow (Wednesday) as well. The stupid thing is that I know I'm not going to feel any better by staying inside, as I'm just mixing existing germs with new found ones. Anyway, needless to say, I'm not one to be given orders and will not stand for any crap that people proclaim. Basically, I'm going to do what I want to do. Hence, even next Sunday for example, if I want to come to the pre-Soul Survivor party just to spite (a) certain individual(s), then I jolly well am going to do so. You know, it's actually good to be an asshole in certain circumstances.

Otherwise, life isn't too bad at the moment. Obviously, me being sick has resulted in me staying here and not going to work in order to not spread the germs to my co-workers; I have to take them into consideration and not the students who I'd be teaching as the latter didn't exactly show much consideration towards me when they were sick for the majority of their three week stay on the island! I'm actually stunned at how long it took for me to get sick, considering the rather terrible immune system that I possess. Trying to incorporate a social life into a working one has, however, been a major challenge for me, one which I feel that so far has worked quite well. Although more often than not I've had to leave places relatively early so as to be at work on time and intact the next morning, which can be irritating, I feel that being able to incorporate both spheres of work and leisure into my life has made me become a more complete person and even appreciate further the time that I have with my friends, time which I now cannot take for granted as much as I used to before.

And to keep the blog rather short, I will sign off here. A final word of thought goes out to the Psaila family, in particular Simon, whose mother passed away this morning. Knowing first hand what it is like to lose a dear, loved one, you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers through this difficult time, but you will ultimately find solace in God.

God Bless You all!
Matti